1.        Have a comprehensive financial life plan, so you know where you stand in terms of funding your own goals versus everyone else’s. Be sure it includes a spending plan and an emergency reserve. I recommend you get professional help on this, because a pro will know all the ins and outs of healthcare, savings, and how to plan if you’re a sandwich.

2.        Prioritize your own retirement savings, so no one else has to take care of you and you don’t have to delay your retirement. Athene ran a survey among parents in their 40s and 50s who were supporting adult kids and aging family members, and 47% said they were holding off on their own retirement so they could provide financial support to adult kids or other family members. I’m sure that’s not your preference.

3.        Have adequate long-term disability and life insurance. Long-term disability coverage will help ensure you meet your financial goals if you become disabled and can’t work, and life insurance will make sure the people you leave behind are financially OK if you die.

4.        Pay down debt and do your best not to add more. Debt is just one more financial obligation you have to deal with while you’re supporting kids and aging relatives. The more you minimize your debt, the better off you’ll be, even if you never become a sandwich.

5.        Set aside funds in a Health Savings Account (HSA) for future healthcare costs. If an HSA is available to you, it’s a tax-advantaged way to save for the long term. You contribute pre-tax dollars, and you can carry over any unused savings indefinitely for use on health-related costs.

6.        Save for kids’ school as soon as possible and ask others to contribute to their accounts as a gift. Coverdell and 529 accounts are tax-advantaged ways to save for education, and the earlier you start, the more your accounts can grow over time and the more you can focus on supporting other family members.

7.        Have an estate plan, so if anything unexpected happens to you, your kids and older family members have the resources they need without having to spend time and money settling your estate themselves.

1.        Understand how much Social Security income older relatives will get or are getting, and work with a financial life planner to make sure they take it at the right time if they’re not already taking it.

2.        Make sure they have long-term care coverage if they can afford it, make sure they have adequate healthcare coverage, and know their coverage and care options with Medicare and Medicaid. This forms the basis of a solid healthcare plan. A planner can help you with this, too.

3.        Make sure they set aside money for expenses that aren’t covered by Medicare, too. Why? According to the 2024 Fidelity Retiree Health Care Cost Estimate, a 65-year-old retiring in 2024 will spend an average of $165,000 on out-of-pocket healthcare expenses throughout their retirement.

4.        Make sure they have a complete estate plan. Just as you need an estate plan to protect your loved ones and ensure your estate is as easy as possible to settle, your older relatives need to do the same. This will save everyone a lot of headache and expense when the time comes.

5.        Know where they keep their important documents and account information so you’re prepared for an emergency or a death. Just in case something happens to them and you need access to their records and accounts, get the list together now so you don’t have to become a financial investigator later.

6.        Create a plan for what will happen if and when they become frail. Will they move in with you, if that’s an option? If they stay at home, how will they get help? Are they open to retirement living or other options? Have a clear plan for how they contribute financially, whether they move in or you care for them in some other way.

7.        Think very carefully about whether you will stop working to take care of aging relatives. Know how that affects your own financial life plan. By stepping out of the workplace, you will interrupt your own income, asset growth, and career opportunities. Investigate other options if they’re available to you. If you do decide to care for your relatives, make sure you have support (see below).

8.        When the time comes, consider a joint bank account with your older relatives so you can keep track of spending (if needed), pay bills, and access emergency cash to support them.

1.        Take care of yourself; get the support and resources you need. I beg of you: above all else, be sure you don’t work yourself down to the nub. You’re no good to anyone like that, and I know you know it, but it’s hard to prioritize yourself when you have 16,000 things to do. Your physical and emotional health are paramount in this situation.

2.        Encourage independence in your kids and establish boundaries around how they will contribute to the household if they continue to live in it past a certain age. Lots of people in the sandwich generation are paying expenses for their adult children, and this can cause harm to all of you, both financially and emotionally. Don’t sacrifice your own well-being for your adult kids and don’t take away their chance to be self-sufficient. I know it’s easier said than done, but you don’t want to deplete your assets and then become a burden on someone else down the road. You also don’t want your kids to become complacent or think they’re incapable.

3.        Delegate and outsource where you can. Everyone needs to pull their weight to the extent they are able, with money AND time.

4.        Set and hold boundaries. All family members need to understand that you are not an unlimited resource. What are you willing to give, and where do you draw the line? Make that clear to everyone, then stick to it.

5.        Manage your time with ruthless efficiency. Get a system, whatever it is, or get a coach to help you create one and keep it in place. There’s no place for wasted time in a sandwich; only mayonnaise.

6.        Remember the love and patience. Don’t forget these are the people you love, right? Well, I hope they are. I hope we can all be grateful we still have them in our lives even though it’s not all unicorns and chocolate cake. Build that patience muscle, practice gratitude, and focus on what’s important: the people.